I hate everything about you, pirate reenactors.  You make everyone uncomfortable at otherwise enjoyable street fairs, parades and boardwalks.  Approaching strangers and acting like you’re fucking Blackbeard makes you look like the next guy on To Catch A Predator.  Dressing like Jack Sparrow does not make you more attractive.  Give it up now before your family sees pictures and disowns you for being a total, complete creeper. Go to hell, pirate reenactors.

how much time/money went into looking like a doucebag from the 1800s? you look like an idiot. this is the year 2008 and you are dumb. i hate your hats and i hate your goggles. i hate you steampunk.

clowns? srsly? you want to be a clown? a clown that raps? ooookay. wash your faces, take off the JNCOs and stop bitching about people not understanding you. we do understand, you’re terribly unoriginal and you’re probably dating your sister/dad’s 4th ex-wife….oh, and fago tastes like dog piss. i hate you juggalos.

didgeridoo? more like didgeridon’t. i hate you didgeridoo.

it’s one thing to be “green” , but when your “love for the environment” (COUGH:LAZY:COUGH) causes you to stop bathing? yah, too far. comb your hair, wash your face, and lay off the bong for a day or two. i hate you hippies.

eyebrow rings are lame. being in the profession i’m in, i have to deal with them more than i want to. sure, i had one, in 1995. when i see someone with an eyebrow ring i automatically assume that they were sexually abused by their uncle. i hate you eyebrow ring.

hate me if you will, but cats make me sick (literally & figuratively), i’m a puppy person. what’s so special about a bitchy animal that shits in a box and doesn’t even do any tricks? i hate you cats.

your band sucks. no i will not add you on myspace, no i will not tell my friends, no i will not buy your shitty homemade merch. i hate your band.